Ostriches
So much to talk about…
I started the new job on Monday. I thought it went well, though Dr. Lavelle is pretty intense. I haven’t even been there a week and I already have a few important assignments to work on. Good thing I’m not scared of a little hard work! Or a lot 
What’s cool is that she wants me to help coordinate this huuuge gala event we’re having in a few months to celebrate our new Hopper exhibit. Personally, I’m not Hopper’s biggest fan – sorry, just never cared for his style – but it will be fun nonetheless. Anyway, I am in charge of facilitating and managing our vendor relationships. Do you have any idea how hard it is to coordinate a party in this city? Not only do I have to help manage the event management group, I have to help coordinate the invite design and mailing. And that’s on top of the three other projects she needs my help with. But, this is my dream job, so I can’t complain too much
When I came home last night Heath was already sprawled out on the bed watching Sportscenter. You’d think after I reamed him for the whole “separate apartment thing” he’d be falling all over himself, right? Well…he was! He didn’t even say anything when I turned off the TV for no other reason than I wanted to talk. And to think I want a dog.
“Hey babe,” he said.
I plopped down on the end of the bed and waited for him to come to me. Only when I felt his arms wrap around me did I respond. “Hey there mister.”
“How hard did the evil doctor work you today,” he asked.
“Ughh. You don’t even want to know,” I said, falling back onto the bed. “I’ve got like a ton of stuff to do. All of it important.”
“That’s good. Responsibility builds character.”
I rolled my eyes and glared at him. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m just saying, babe…”
“Saying what?”
He laughed. “I mean it’s not like you’ve been setting the world on fire.”
I shot up. “What the hell does that mean?” And with that, I cued the tears.
“Whoa.” He leaned in to give me a hug. “Settle down tiger.”
I pushed him away. “Don’t patronize me.”
“Right, I’m sorry.”
“I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been trying.”
His hand started rubbing my back. “I know, babe.”
I could be the victim better than anyone. “If it wasn’t for Will…”
“I know…”
I let the tears and sobs grow. I let him hold me.
“But you’ve got me now,” he said, putting a finger underneath my chin and tilting my face towards his.
I pouted as only I knew how, looked up at him with sad, vulnerable eyes and asked “Do I?”
Of course you do, babe.” He kissed my forehead.
“And Kathy?”
He pulled away from me and took my face in his hands. “Look at me,” he said. “She’ll be gone in no time.”
I smiled. He did too. Then I let him make love to me.
Five minutes later Heath asked me the oddest question. “So, is he pissed or what?”
“Yeah, you think you could at least pull out before asking a question like that?”
“What?”
“I dunno, I guess I’d feel more comfortable answering if your penis wasn’t inside me.”
“Right,” he said as he slid out and rolled over. “So, you think he’s pissed?”
“I’m not sure.”
“How can you be not sure?”
“What’s it matter?”
“It doesn’t. I just want to know if he’s pissed that his girlfriend of four years just dumped him for another guy.”
“Three years,” I corrected.
“Whatever. He’s got to be pissed.”
“You think? Maybe we should introduce him to you wife.”
He ignored my comment.
“I suppose he wants to kick my ass.” Heath puffed up his chest.
“You’re probably right.”
“You don’t have to be sarcastic.”
“Well then quit being such a dumbass.”
He stopped and gave me a cold look.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said.
“Then don’t talk to me like that.”
Ok, this was something new. A guy with a backbone. New tactic. “What did you just say to me?”
“I said don’t talk to me like that.”
Obviously I played this wrong. But, that didn’t mean I was going to apologize. So I didn’t say anything. Instead, I rolled over and started crying. Heath most certainly was not Will, but he still was a guy and guys can only deal with so much emotion. Especially when it’s unpredictable.
“Liz?”
More sobs.
“Sweetheart?”
Big sniffs and running mascara.
“Don’t yell at me.”
“What?”
I could hear the confusion in his voice.
“I don’t like it when you yell at me.” I did melodrama well.
I heard him mumble “shit” under his breath. But while Will would have done everything in his power to apologize and comfort me, Heath just stood up and walked out of the room.
The tears that came next were real.
I woke up in the middle of the night, alone, confused that Heath wasn’t sleeping next to me. I walked to the living room expecting to find him there, but he wasn’t. I looked at the clock. 2:30 AM. Where the hell was he?
So I checked my cell. No new calls.
Then I tried calling his. Straight to voice mail.
Finally, I called his house.
“Hello,” said the woman, half-asleep.
“Is Heath there?”
“Who’s this?”
I felt like pissing her off, so I told her who it was. If I had to be upset, someone else had to be too.
But she didn’t get pissed. She just mumbled, “He’ll be back on Friday,” and hung up.
What did she mean, “he’ll be back on Friday?” That didn’t make sense. He didn’t go anywhere.
I stumbled back to the bedroom. Too tired to stay awake, but too shocked to sleep, I crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling. Sometime later I heard to door open. I closed my eyes and rolled over. The bed sagged as Heath crawled in and I waited for him to kiss the back of my head like he always did before falling asleep, but he didn’t. So, I got up and went to the bathroom. Still, he didn’t acknowledge me.
I should have confronted him.
I should have demanded to know where he was.
I should have screamed, “Why do you smell like booze?” and “you haven’t even told the bitch about us, have you?”
But I knew I wouldn’t like his answers.
Besides, I thought, everything will be better in the morning.
I’m back
Sorry it’s been so long. Don’t worry, I’m still here Life’s been so crazy lately, so I haven’t really written much.
Big news! No, I didn’t get engaged. But it’s almost as good. I got a job! I am sooo relieved, I can’t even tell you. Starting Monday, I’ll be the executive assistant to the director of the Walker Art Center. If you know anything about the art world you know how big of a deal this is. If you don’t, trust me, it’s huge.
Finally! I feel like I’m making progress in my life. It’s like everything is going exactly the way it should. I’ve got a job that I’ll love. I mean it’s so me it isn’t even funny. My boss, her name is Dr. Lavelle, is pretty much the foremost authority on modern art. I can’t imagine how many people must have applied for this job. I don’t want to say I knew I was going to get it, but I was pretty confident. After all, I did graduate summa cum laude with a double major in Art and Art History. How could she not hire me? Now I’m seriously thinking about pursuing my Master’s or PhD. To think that I could have her job someday is pretty amazing.
Heath has been so awesome and supportive. Tonight he’s taking me to dinner. He says he has something important he wants to talk about. And though he won’t tell me what it is, I do have a pretty good idea of what he wants to discuss. If it is what I think it is, he’ll get the best dessert he’s ever had. God, I so sound like a Cosmo article.
I try not to bother him about his wife. He says he’s taking care of it and I believe him. Personally, I don’t know why he even married her in the first place. Will says I’m a home-wrecker and am the one who belongs in a trailer park. Whatever. Who tried committing suicide? Thank you. Besides, I would hardly call myself a home-wrecker. For starters, their marriage was in serious trouble way before I showed up. Two, Heath is the one who initiated everything and he swears they were over. Three, how can I be a home-wrecker if they don’t have kids? My conscious is clean, Will.
Ugh, I need to quit with the negativity. Three years dating a guy like Will obviously left some marks. Heath hates it that I can be so cynical. He says I need to work on finding the Liz he knew in high school. Me? I’d be happy finding the Liz I was in college, but I’m finding it hard to change my established behaviors. Besides, it’s not like I knew I was becoming such a cynic. What’s the saying, “I was like a frog in a pot?” Heath’s been a real help though. I never would have recognized what I was becoming without him.
Of course, just getting out of No Name has helped. I know I said it before, but you’re a product of your environment. This last weekend Heath and I jogged around the chain of lakes over in Minneapolis. I talked him into running the Twin Cities Marathon, so we’ve been busy training. Anyway, as we were jogging I couldn’t help but think how happy I was now that I was out of No Name – I don’t care what anyone says, Minneapolis/St. Paul is one of the greatest cities on Earth. I also couldn’t help but daydream about what it would be like to be pushing around a baby jogger. On the car ride back I told this to Heath and he smiled and said he was thinking the same thing. Though he said maybe we should start with a dog. I said I’d be happy with a divorce.
You’d think I’d have been excited to hear him say that he wanted to have kids. And honestly I was. But for some reason, his enthusiasm kind of threw me off. I mean, I loved hearing that and all, but I wished he’d said he was daydreaming about getting divorced or our wedding.
* * *
So we went to dinner last night. You know what he wanted to talk about? He said we should probably think about getting our own apartments because of the divorce. According to his lawyer, it looks bad if you cheat and move in with your new girlfriend. Heath said that with my new job I should be able to afford a place. Can you believe that crap? Of course I said, no way was I moving out. The harm had already been done, hadn’t it? He tried to argue his case, but I told him that unless he wanted to break up, he’d better shut up. So he did. For being such a dork, I told him he was buying me a dog.
It’s kind of funny how I always get my way 
